Lions, TIGERS, and Bears...Oh My!!!

By now, most of us "educated grown folk" are tired of hearing about Tiger Woods' recent infidelities. I can't turn on the television or radio without hearing some joke, updated news story, or other information about Tiger's sad state of affairs (pun intented). I overhear discussions at work, in the grocery store, and recently witnessed a gossipy conversation about Tiger Woods' wife, Elin, in my favorite bookstore (oh my goodness...a sista can't even get away from the Tiger-hype in the darn bookstore)!

When rumors first leaked about what was really behind Tiger crashing his SUV, I told my husband (and anyone else who'd listen) to leave me out of such trivial conversations. I'd yell, "who the hell cares about what Tiger Woods is doing; people need jobs and health care, and we're sending troops to Afghanistan". But when my 10 year old son came to me so sincerely the other day, and asked me why Tiger Woods would cheat on his wife, I realized that I had a teachable moment and gave my son some time to share what was obviously puzzling him. I just listened to him and and loved him, and talked to him about it on his level. I had to do this; in fact, all of us grown-ups have to do a better job listening to our children's concerns, so that we can help them sort out this crazy world we all live in. So, while we all know that Tiger is an adulterer; his wife is gonna get a better pre-nup agreement; that he asked Elin and the world for forgiveness; and requested privacy for himself and his family, I also know that if we adults don't talk about the deeper issues, and use this as a teachable moment, our children will suffer for the "sins of the father". Not just Tiger's children, but all of our children. So here goes...

All jokes aside, what Tiger did was wrong. But he isn't the first man to cheat on his wife, and he won't be the last. Let me also state for the record, that many women cheat on their husbands for various reasons, as well. Both are wrong. This writing is not to pass judgement, or to start a debate about the reasons people cheat. I am not a saint, and Lord knows that we all fall short of the glory of God. However, I am writing this to begin the conversation around a deeper issue that is rarely discussed at the water cooler, written in the tabloids, or joked about in comedy clubs. It's that conversation about the women who sleep with married men. Those women who make a conscious effort to seek out married men for whatever their reasons. Those women who throw themselves at men, especially those with money, knowing good and darn well that the man has a wife, and sometimes kids, at home. This is for the women who say, "I really don't care about his wife; I'm trying to get mine." Those women who lie to themselves and think that they can take a married man away from his wife and family. Those women who spend much time plotting and calculating their next move on someone else's husband.

Yes, ladies I said it! Somebody needed to. We've been talking all day long about men who cheat on their wives and adultery is still happening in epidemic proporations in America and abroad. Ladies it's time to talk about us and our part in contributing to this problem. Because the reality is that men who cheat consistently would be forced to stop if we didn't have women who disrespect themselves, their own children, and their boyfriend's wife and her children, by sleeping with married men.

I was livid last night after listening to one of Tiger's "girlfriends" on a news story describe how she would periodically ask Tiger how his wife was doing. When asked by the interviewer, how it made her feel when Tiger told her that he and his wife were doing fine, the woman replied that she was a little disappointed, but thought that Karma would get him back one day (then referenced Tiger's SUV crash). I yelled at the television: "Are you friggin serious? Are you stupid? You are knowingly and consistently sleeping with another woman's husband and you have the nerve to talk about Tiger's Karma". WOW!!! After I calmed down, I realized that it's women like her who make it so tough for the rest of us. But all the more reason for me writing this.

Let me say again that we all fall short; everyone of us have secrets that we'd like to bury forever. I know I do! But the time for excuses and hiding is over. It's time for us sisters to tell each other the truth (even if it hurts) and stop co-signing when we learn that one of us is sleeping with a married man. Remember, we are our sister's keeper, and if we can't lovingly correct our sister, then we really aren't keeping each other at all (key word..."lovingly"). Our children need us to be healed and whole and we can't be either if we are not honest with each other and ourselves.

So, my sister...I'm no longer afraid of "lions, and tigers and bears". Nor am I afraid to speak my mind and tell the truth. I'm also no longer afraid to hear the truth about myself (even when it hurts). For when you know and accept the truth about yourself, you are really set free! So, let's not be afraid to tell each other when we are wrong. And when we hear it from a friend, let's be brave enough to admit our transgressions, tell the transgresee that we are sorry, ask God for forgiveness and then FORGIVE OURSELVES (which is sometimes the hardest of them all). We have to do it, ladies...so that the healing can begin and our children and our world will be that much stronger and greater for it!

Thank you Tiger and Elin...for this teachable moment. I am praying that your family is reconciled, and that God's grace and love will keep you in His perfect peace.

Scatter Joy,

Denise